175. Dating in the Great Way is not difficult when we accept life as it is

Many, many people feel unfulfilled in love, including those who are married as well as single folks. They’re unhappy because they feel their “I want love” shopping bag isn’t full. Unfortunately, that shopping bag will never get full because it has a hole in it. People who feel they need love don’t see that that “need” will be there no matter how much attention and praise they get. Their “need” is not real. It’s only a thought that’s so persistent it seems real.

To hear that there’s peace when we see life as it really is seems pretty heartless at times. It’s not very romantic because it demands dropping our fantasies and dreams and ruthlessly seeing reality, which is nothing more than seeing what life is actually delivering, moment by moment. When you do that, however, you can’t help but realize that even if another person could supply our “love” needs they can also withdraw that supply. That leave us as poor waifs, waiting for our next savior.

So what do we do when we feel that a partner or lover would make life complete and we don’t have one? We could start by looking at reality instead of focusing on our fantasy thoughts. We could start by asking ourselves, “Has that longing ever worked? Has it ever eased our pain?” If not, do we want to keep feeding that thought?

On the other hand, accepting life as it is (which may at first sound impossible) can wipe out our pain in an instant. Looking through the eyes of practicality can we honestly say we know what should happen in our lives? Do we really know what’s best for us? Can we truthfully think we should be able to direct That which created and sustains us?

The Hsin-hsin Ming is an ancient spiritual text from China. It opens with these words:

"The Great Way is not difficult
For those not attached to preferences."

A few lines later it continues:

"If you wish to know the truth, then
Hold to no opinions for or against anything.

To set up what you like against what you dislike
Is the disease of the mind."

Maybe that revered spiritual text still has something to say to us all these centuries later. There’s calmness when we live by these words that invite us just to be still and allow what is to be the way it is – without our judgments, interpretations, and opinions.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer