218. Mature dating is a pleasant stroll when you don’t have to make it go your way

All the worry, stress and discomfort of mature dating can evaporate if we’re willing to give up what we think we know about life and see what our direct experience tells us. I’m talking not about beliefs, which are always learned from someone else, but knowing. When you know, belief is no longer necessary. If you know how to swim you don’t say, “I believe I can swim.” Belief is wiped out with the knowing.

What I’ve come to know by studying the teachings from a number of wise ones with a clear understanding of life is that Life is living us. Functioning of a body we call “me” is happening by itself. When you look deeply you can’t find anything with an independent nature you can call “me”. Your very life isn’t under your control at all. “Me” is only an idea, a thought. You can check that out if you’re interested.

The problem is that “me” seems so real. We say I walk, I talk, I am the doer of my life. But when you take a look you’ll see from your own experience that you can’t locate a “me”. But then you’ll say, “Well then, who’s walking, for instance, if it’s not me?” Good question. I suggest you look and see. Are you walking? When you’re walking along and having a conversation with someone are you consciously moving each leg and setting your foot down with each step? Do you even know how to move your leg? Isn’t walking just happening?

Are you actually responsible for blinking your eyes? Do you wave your hands and arms around consciously as you talk, to help express yourself? Or do they move without your even realizing it until someone points it out? Do you grow yourself from childhood to adulthood? Have you made your hair turn gray and added wrinkles to your face in these mature dating years?

A chameleon changes color as a camouflage to protect itself. An octopus not only changes colors but can also change its “skin” from smooth to rough or variegated to match its surroundings so it can’t be seen. Do you think these animals consciously make that happen? Or is it just the way nature functions? Would the Life Force function in what we call the animal world but not for you in your human world?

When we realize that we’re also part of nature, just as an octopus, and that we’re being lived in the same way a natural relaxing into life happens. We no longer have that self-centered reference point – that filter that everything passes through – as we ask ourselves: How do I like this? How does this affect me? The me-idea that’s been the center of our universe can just drop away and the natural functioning, that’s been going on all the time, will be at the forefront instead of in the background.

Thinking we have to make life go our way to be happy is a mental habit that causes us a lot of pain. Realizing that Life knows what it’s doing and just relaxing into that knowing is freedom, peace, and happiness. All the emotional turmoil of mature dating can just evaporate in that knowing. What’s left? Just the joy of “being” as we move spontaneously and effortlessly in the dating world and in all other areas of life.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer