221. “Out there” is never a problem in mature dating, it’s always “in here”

A friend of mine told me the other day about a bumper sticker she saw. It applies perfectly to the source of suffering in mature dating. It read, “Reality is not what you think!”

In just a few words that line sums up what we’ve been talking about here. Reality, or what actually is, has nothing to do with thought. What our senses register about the world just as it is, is reality. There’s no emotional pain in that at all.

What causes us to hurt in senior dating is the thinking that gets added to reality. Many times we don’t simply see reality, or “what is” just as it is. Instead we add judgments to what is: “He should call me.” “She should have told me the truth.” “They shouldn’t do that.” “I’m getting older and I should find someone soon.” But in all those cases reality is just the way things are. It’s always our opinions, interpretations and judgments that cause us to suffer. Without that, there is no suffering. There’s just reality and our awareness of it.

And if this seems confusing, reading further in this blog may help. I invite you to remember one thing, however, and that’s this. We’re ALWAYS the source of our own pain. The problem is never “out there;” it’s always “in here” – in our thoughts.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer