289. Of the two ways to go about dating and mating one is peaceful, the other painful

Life is the way it is. Have you noticed? No matter what we think about weather disasters, disease, war, or famine life just is. It’s the same with dating. We may think we deserve a mate because we have a lot of love to give. (I’ve heard that a lot in my 12 years of dating and I’ll bet you have too.) We may think we have control. But with some looking we see that we don’t.

Life didn’t ask our opinion about how tall we’d be, the color of our eyes, whether we kept our hair or not, or what talents we’d be born with. Life doesn’t need us to breathe or blink or beat our hearts in rhythm. Life just does it. In the same way, Life doesn’t give us a choice about the thoughts we have. They come out of the Void and silently slip back into that Void.

Our dating in these mature years will be just what it is. There are two approaches we can take to it, however, that will make the entire difference between whether we’re happy or not. One is to believe thoughts that may come saying we should have control... and argue, be bitter, disappointed or in despair because we have no partner. The other is to watch what naturally happens, including dating and our thoughts about it, and just enjoy the process. There’s always joy in watching the beautiful mystery of Life unfurl as it does, but it’s more subtle than we may be used to.

We’re used to excitement, activity, going and doing. But have you noticed that all the noise and movement appears on the background of stillness and silence? When the activity stops what’s left is stillness. When the noise stops what’s left is silence. In that stillness and silence there’s never turmoil, only a quiet contentment, a causeless joy. From that place we can watch all that appears, including thoughts such as “I need a partner to be happy.” We can notice that everything is simply an appearance that comes and goes. The Mystery is delightful when we see it just the way it is!

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer