102. Your dating life is perfect… unless you think it should be different

When you review your life have you ever noticed that so many things happened that were “accidents”, and some completely changed your life? I know two men trained as engineers who eventually found themselves in marketing and public relations fields, just by quirks of happenstance. You know people who met their spouses in totally unexpected ways, or moved to a certain part of the world when that was never in their plan at all.

Most of us, now living the single life in our mature years, never planned it that way. We didn’t ever want to be divorced. We didn’t plan for our spouse to die. But it happened. And here we are, alone and single and sometimes wondering, What the heck do I do now?

There’s a story of a man who was hiking and fell off a ledge. Part way down he caught himself by his finger tips and he was hanging with a long drop below him. So he yelled, “Is there anyone up there? Help! Help!” A voice answered, “Yes, I’m here.” So the man yelled back, “Can you help me?” And the voice said, “Yes, I’m God and I can help you. Do exactly what I say and you’ll be safe.” The man was very relieved and said, “Okay, tell me and I’ll do whatever you say.”
God said, “Let go.” After a short pause the man yelled, “Is there anyone else up there?”

The point is that at some stage of our life we sometimes realize we’re not in control. Life happens, even when we’re asleep. We keep breathing, our heart keeps beating, food digests… and we’re not even conscious. Maybe we can start to see that the universe is operating perfectly and in perfect balance, even when a lot of times we don’t think so. Maybe we can just let go.

When you think about it, you realize that it’s not possible for the human intellect to understand the workings of the universe in its infinite intelligence. We don’t wake up in the morning and decide whether to think or not and we don’t decide the moment we’ll fall asleep at night. A little looking reveals we haven’t lived our lives, they’re being lived.

New Age thinking says we create our own reality by the thoughts and beliefs we hold in our minds. Think poor and you’ll be poor. Think rich and you’ll be rich. Really? If that were true wouldn’t all those New Agers be rich? And if everyone were rich there wouldn’t be a “rich” because to have rich you have to have it’s opposite, poor.

Or consider this, how possible would it be for 5 billion people on this planet to be getting their own way by their own will power or beliefs. Not very likely is it? Or you might think that prayer is doing it for you. It’s not you running life but your prayers are making it turn out the way you want. Is that really possible? How can God answer each person’s prayer when you think of the players on opposing football teams all praying to win? Somebody has to lose.

So the bottom line is that life works much better for us when we stop trying to control it and watch it unfold the only way it ever has worked or ever will work, just the way it is. We might even begin to see that we’re simply another object in life and Life happens through us and as us. It’s not easy at first to think of ourselves as just part of the flow of life. We’re used to thinking that we are doing life when in fact it’s the other way around, life is doing us.

So what’s this have to do with mature dating? This. When you see that life is the way it is, you can just surrender to it moment to moment. All the pressure is off. You’re no longer thinking it has to be your way. You’re not attached to what happens. There’s an ease and a relaxation. A date turns out the way it turns out. Without labeling and judging it’s not good or bad, it’s just the way it is. Period. When we stop arguing with life and wanting what it doesn’t give us we live without problems. There’s a constant sense of well-being. We see reality as it is and just be and have fun. Every day is Christmas when we accept Presence as the present it is.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer