117. When you’re in “their” business or “God’s” business you’re in a hopeless pit and you’re bound to suffer

In dating and partner relationships there’s one way to live that takes you out of a lot of stress, hurt and disappointment, and leaves you in your natural state of peace, joy and love. That way is to recognize what you can’t do anything about. John M.R. Covey, who with his wife Jane gives marriage seminars around the world, thinks it’s important to see that you have control only over yourself in a relationship. He says when you try to control other things, such as your partner you feel like a victim.

Byron Katie, author of I Need Your Love, Is It True? and Loving What Is sees life in a simple way. “I’ve noticed there are three kinds of business in the world,” she says, “mine, yours and God’s.” In her view, “God’s” business is dealing with the weather, natural phenomena, your birth place, the parents you were born to, etc. Another person’s life is what she calls “Your” business. “My” business is just that – how do I see life?

Katie goes on to add a critical element if you want peace in your life and relationships. She says, “Any time I’m in “your” business or “God’s” business I hurt.” Why? Because any effort we make to change the externals of life is totally hopeless. What we can do, however, is to just see life as it is, without needing to change it. After all, God, or Divine Intelligence, or Spirit is really expressing itself as everything, including us as people. It’s all one showing up as many.

Yet, in relationships how many times do you hear people say things like, “If he would….” or “She should just….” It’s easy to think that we could be happier if our partner would change. Have you noticed, though, that when people do sometimes change we’re still not happy? The mind then simply goes to the next thing they should change, or how the government should change, or the weather, or your mother. The mind is never satisfied because it’s job is to divide all things into good/bad or right/wrong. You can check this out in your own life: What we do best is to compare and judge.

When you’re unhappy about anything you might ask yourself, “Whose business am I in right now?” Is it someone else’s business or God’s business? What is it you think needs to change? It’s simply the inability to see that life is just the way it is, that causes us emotional suffering. It’s always about resisting what is and thinking we know better. But do we? Do we really have the big picture and know more than the Infinite?

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer