190. When you let go of opinions and go with life dating is easy, joyful, and problem-free

As you date, when you really want someone in your life have you noticed that you almost can’t help but manipulate your dating experiences with her? It’s subtle, not overt. But it’s controlling. We try our best to do and say just the right thing. We might even pretend we like something that we don’t like because that’s what we think our date would find appealing. All our efforts to try to make things go our way are stressful because we’re not being authentic.

The funny thing is that we don’t have to work at making life go our way. It’s going to go just the way it goes no matter what we think and strive for. Life is given. We’re born, we’re breathed, our heart beats, hair grows, we grow into just the right size, and eventually we die. We’re even being thought and moved. Look at your legs right now. Did you consciously put them there? Did you choose the thought you have now and can you choose the next one? We’re not in control of any of it.

So why not relax and just be happy with what happens in life, including every aspect of your dating? The Ashtavakra Gita is a revered East Indian spiritual tome written centuries ago. In it, the author says over and over again: Don’t set one thing against another, and craving pleasure – wanting it my way – stops. Be like a small child, he says. There’s nothing to do but be happy as we watch life show up. Jesus also said, “Unless you become like little children….”

But that’s hard to do when we believe our thoughts, when we know life would be better if we had what we want. We want a partner, but do we really know that would be best for us, or that it should happen now or that it should be this person? Your immediate answer might be yes. But if you sit with that question and let the answer come slowly, from your depths, are you still so sure? Maybe the wisdom of life, as it is, knows more than you do. What does God want for us, for all of life? We don’t have to wonder or guess. The answer is “what is”, and it’s right in front of us every moment. Just this, right now, as it is. That’s life. Without an opinion you live in the beauty of presence. What could be simpler and more peaceful?

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer