138. Do you really feel happier when you’ve made sure you’re right and your date is wrong?

I ordered the Special, a sandwich with a bowl of soup, at a small deli a few months ago. One woman in this small restaurant was making and serving the sandwiches. When she brought my order to the table the soup was missing so I politely reminded her of that. When she said I hadn’t ordered soup I explained what I thought I had ordered from the reader board. It turns out that the hand-written board was a little confusing and I hadn’t ordered what I thought.

In the process of explaining what my order actually was this sweet but kind of crusty woman said, “I’m right, you’re wrong, get a clue.” I laughed out loud, as I’m chuckling now while I type this. She was right and she really wanted me to know that.

Unfortunately, in our dating relationships we often have a strong need to be right and prove the other person wrong. It could be about a conversation you had earlier that you’re sure you remember correctly, or any other incident. The point is some people really want to make sure you know they’re right.

If you have a tendency to do this ask yourself, does it work? Does it ever pay? Most likely your date or partner feels diminished or humiliated if you prove yourself right. Or at the very least they probably don’t appreciate your insistence on making them wrong. And if you look inside you’ll probably find you don’t feel so good yourself. Don’t you feel happier and more peaceful when you’ve made someone smile and feel worthwhile? Do you feel somewhat diminished yourself when you have to make someone small so you can feel worthwhile?

Just observing how we feel inside makes it pretty clear that our true nature is caring and compassion. It’s not ridicule, derision or unkindness. We probably don’t intend to be mean but we’re so intent on appearing superior – or at least being equal and worthy – that we belittle someone in the process. The funny/sad thing is that we don’t feel superior at all when we stop to look. We can actually feel pretty stupid.

You’ll notice that people who have a good sense of themselves don’t need to make anyone wrong. They see that we’re all human and sometimes we make mistakes in memory. So what? Once you’ve seen the reality of this you may not need to be “right” any longer. You’ll probably have a more pleasant time dating, wouldn’t you think?

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer