33. "I'd never do that" - but does that make it wrong?

It can be surprising now, as a senior, to notice that some of the same old stuff comes up that came up when we were dating in our earlier years. A lack of understanding the behavior of our date or partner is one issue. “I just don’t understand you, I’d never do that,” we say, as though our way is right and theirs is wrong. Somehow we’ve picked up the idea that we’re supposed to understand them. We seem to think it’s their job to explain to our satisfaction. If it doesn’t make sense to us we won’t approve.

But wait a minute! Is it really the obligation of your date or lover to justify his behavior to you? Let’s say he doesn’t want to meet your family just yet. Or she plans an evening with girlfriends at a play. You don’t understand; it’s not the way you’d behave.

Does your date need to justify his actions to you? Or is it more true that he has a right to live as he wants? Who gets to decide how you live? If it’s you, then shouldn’t he also get to decide how he lives?

We always lose when we try to control life. People do what they do. Life happens as it does. Every tree grows with exactly the right number of branches and the right height. Every flower blooms precisely when it's supposed to. When we let Life flow the way it’s already flowing anyway, we’re happy. Our insistence on understanding another is not our right. Instead of trying to understand you can simply notice and accept. When you do that, you’re free, your partner is free and you can both enjoy seeing each other happy, doing what each wants to do.

Copyright © 2005 Chuck Custer