127. Wanting “good” but not “bad” is like wanting mountains but not valleys
This whole senior dating scene, as with dating at any other time of life, is hinged on one desire for most of us – the desire to be partnered with a compatible and loving mate. That seems reasonable, and it is. But when we become attached to attaining the outcome we want we hurt.
Sages throughout many hundreds of years have tried to counsel us to see that spirituality actually means seeing that all is One. Or you could use the term God, which I don’t use much any more because it’s such a loaded word in so many peoples’ minds. Since there is only one power or divine intelligence, that intelligence is actually just showing up in all kinds of disguises, including in the disguise of human beings.
One analogy to help us understand this is to think in terms of electricity. It powers everything from a power saw to a hair dryer to a toaster. These appliances are all very different but the power is the same. Another analogy is to look at a stack of pancakes. Each one has a different form, the bubble indents in each is different, but they’re all the same batter.
Or consider sand castles on the beach. Each is entirely different but they’re all just one thing – sand! Variety is the nature of creation but all the physical phenomena we see, hear, feel, smell and taste are just the same power showing up in different forms. That power animates all of life, including each human being.
So we’re really not the doers of life. And when we think we can control it and get upset when it doesn’t go our way we’re always the losers in terms of happiness. Wanting what we call good instead of bad is like wanting more mountains but no more valleys. Because dating in these older adult years can often be quite intense and raise strong emotions, it’s easy to be hurt when we think our dating experiences should be different from what they are.
On the other hand when we see that the reality of life is just what it is, we can loosen our grip on having things turn out “our way” and simply engage life fully with all our senses wide open and without an agenda. When we don’t need things to turn out any special way we’re able to relax and just enjoy the ride. When we don’t do that we’re like a small kid in a kiddy car at the amusement park who might get angry because the car won’t go where he wants it to go. Instead, it just follows the track, but the small child doesn’t know it’s on a track.
In the same way, the power that breathes us and animates us is living AS us and we have no real power. So why not accept things as they are instead of being miserable because they don’t match our demands? That’s happiness and peace. Do we really think we know more than the Infinite Power what should happen in our lives? In truth, all there is is Beingness and everything, including humans, is just appearing in that. It’s simple and magnificent when we surrender to life just as it is.
Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer
