207. Want a partner, or got a partner and don’t want him – it's all about viewpoint

We think we know what happiness is, and it always looks different from what we have right now. That’s why all our lives we’re striving for something else, something more, different or better from what we have. Dating in our senior years is usually another way that striving and seeking happens. We think if we had a partner life would definitely be nicer. Even people who have left marriages because they weren’t happy usually feel that their partner was the cause of their unhappiness and if they had a different partner they definitely would be happier this time.

Pam is a friend of mine who lives in a mature community; all the residents must be 55 or over. She moved into this community about 8 months ago and is still getting acquainted with other residents through the many activities that are available there. The other day she met with a group of women and was surprised when a couple of them told her that a lot of the residents who were beginning to get to know her were envious of her. These were married women who looked at Pam’s free and single lifestyle and wished they had that freedom. Freedom to date whoever they wanted, to come and go when they wanted, to be accountable to no one. They were thinking, “How lucky she is!” Meantime, Pam tells me she’d rather be in a partnership, to have someone she can talk to and do things with, someone to confide in and trust.

This is another example that while most folks are nearly always thinking life could be better if… they’re not seeing the reality that life actually gives us everything we need at the moment we need it, even though we don’t think so. If we’re totally honest – and I mean deep-down honest – can we say we know life would be better if we had that mate we want?

Without making that kind of judgment about a future that hasn’t yet arrived does life in this very moment – as you read this – have anything wrong with it? When you believe you know for sure you need a partner to be happy how do you live? Isn’t living that way – arguing with reality – stressful and painful? What if, instead, you trusted the universe (or God or any term you want to use) to provide your life just the way it is providing it right now, just as it provides your next breath and your next heartbeat. Some power has been providing for your needs since you were conceived.

Maybe we could just relax and know everything is perfectly the way it should be because that’s the way it is. Dating, then, would still go on but now it could be just a fun adventure, not something done to achieve an end result. If you just picture that for a moment and let it settle in, does it seem that living without an agenda for your dating would be easier and more relaxing?

The real heart of the problem is that we think we are a separate “me” that needs to make “my” life work. But we’re not separated from that One Source. We just haven’t been taught to question that “me” thought. Where is this me? Does it really exist? Can you find any direct evidence of it or even pinpoint where it is? When we see that we’re being lived, that we don’t need to try to control things, life gets infinitely easier. I invite you to investigate and see for yourself.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer