121. I want what I want and to hell with what you want

Isn’t it interesting how so many of the feelings we had as teenagers in romance come up again now as we’re dating in our mature, more senior years? In my experience, jealousy is one that seems to show up often. Somehow when we’re jealous we think we’re going to lose something we want. It’s an entirely self-centered feeling.

Yet people sometimes call it love. They say things like, “I love him so much that I just ache to think of losing him.” Men are more likely to say something like, “If that guy goes over to talk to her one more time I’m going to deck him.” Then we tell our date or partner that we can’t help our strong feeling because we love so much.

But is that love? Doesn’t love want for the other person what that person wants for herself? If she wants to talk to another man shouldn’t she have the freedom to do that? Wouldn’t allowing her to be free actually be the loving behavior?

No, jealousy and the anger that usually accompanies it isn’t love, it’s a power play. It’s controlling. It’s saying, “I want my way and to hell with what you want,” if I can put it in blunt terms. Where’s the care and consideration and freedom in that?

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer