177. Heed the Suffer Bell and your dating will be fun, not frazzled

Remember the old Western movies where the supper bell rang when it was time to eat? Well, let me introduce you to the “Suffer Bell”, that emotional suffering that shows up as knots in our stomach or a tight chest. The Suffer Bell also calls us, not to supper but to pay attention. It calls us to notice that we’re judging someone or something. That’s what makes it ring. No judgment, no Suffer Bell.

Even though suffering is painful the Suffer Bell is also a gift because it reminds us to see life as it is, not to agonize and struggle against it. Reality rules. It always wins. The great thing is that we can see this for ourselves. Take a look and you’ll notice that you suffer only when you resist “what is”. When we also notice that the world works its own way, without an opinion from any of us, we naturally stop trying to give our input. That acceptance of life just as it is allows us to live and date happily and peacefully. When we get used to not judging, the Suffer Bell never rings any more.

Mature dating can be the source of a lot of joy but it can also have its painful sides. When your Suffer Bell rings it invites you to have a look and see what you’re judging and rejecting. What do you think needs to change? How do you think someone needs to be different? As soon as you see that life doesn’t need to change any more than water needs to dry off, your suffering is over and the bell stops clanging.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer