178. When you wish the evening would never end, you lose the joy of that evening

Have you ever had the thought, while you’re with a really great date, “Oh, I wish this moment – or this evening – would never end?” Or when you’ve been seeing someone for awhile and your relationship is developing in a warm, comforting way you start thinking, almost unconsciously perhaps, “What can I do to make sure this continues as it’s going? I don’t want it to end.”

But have you noticed that in both of those scenarios your freedom to just be spontaneously alive in the moment has slipped away? The peace and joy of living right now has evaporated. The real aliveness and vitality of the moment has been replaced by the stress – subtle as it may be – of trying to hold on to something you’ve got. Instantly, the full joy of Now is gone. The fully-alive energy and happiness of Right Now has been shoved aside by a lifeless fantasy made up of worrisome thoughts.

All experiences have a beginning and an end. They’re finite, not infinite. If they didn’t have some borders they wouldn’t be an experience. Try to picture something with no limits. If it had no beginning and no end we wouldn’t know it existed, much the way we’re not aware of space. Space isn’t an experience, it’s just what you might call Is ness. Limits are what make experiences possible.

On the practical level, if you find yourself hoping an experience will last forever you might question that a bit. Would you really want life to continue, just as it is, forever? Probably not. We thrive on change. I read about an experiment where scientists placed some amoeba, one-celled animals, in an environment where there was no change… and they all died.

When you’re on a really great date, or with a really neat partner, you may find you have a lot more fun, as well as feeling peaceful and content, if you simply enjoy it just as it is, without feeding stressful worries of a future. After all, real life only happens in this moment. It’s timeless. But most of us are seldom home in this moment. We’ve lost the moment to past or future thoughts – thoughts that have no vitality or life.

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer