209. Do you really want to tie your happiness to what he does?
Happiness is that elusive feeling that, try as we might, we can’t seem to pin down and keep around all the time. For most of us it comes and goes, depending on what we’re experiencing in the world. At least it seems that way. So if we get that phone call from the guy we met for coffee last week, we’re happy. If not, we may feel disappointed and gloomy. When we look, though, it’s pretty easy to see why happiness isn’t consistent in our lives. When we tie our happiness to outside events and other people we’ll always be a victim. We’re saying, “You’re the one who gets to decide if I’m happy or not.” Of course they don’t always consistently do what we want, so we’re jerked up and down. Not a fun way to live.
There’s another way to live in this mature dating world, however. It starts with seeing the truth of life. The truth is if another person could make us happy then whenever we’re with that person we’d be happy wouldn’t we? If we marry them we’re happy for life, with that kind of thinking. Well, we all know that just ain’t true. Divorce courts are filled with people who once thought their partners would make them happy for life and now can’t stand to be in the same room with them.
Happiness just doesn’t come from “out there”. The same event can make one person happy and not another. I could go to a heavy metal band performance where lots of people are thrilled and even stand in line and pay big bucks to get admitted. Me?... I’d be trying to find the exit door. So it’s pretty clear that happiness doesn’t come from out there. That’s an illusion. It comes from in here; it’s our projection. It’s like the light from the moon. It doesn’t come from the moon even though it looks that way. That too is an illusion. The truth or reality is that the light of the moon is a reflection.
Our happiness is always a reflection of our own feelings projected onto an event or another person. Every moment of happiness we’ve ever felt in our lives emanated from inside us. It flows from us, not to us. The reason we’re not happy all the time is that we manufacture opinions and judgments about how things should be. These judgments flow from inside us also. They have nothing to do with the reality of life as it shows up. We think we know how life should be and that’s another illusion. What’s true is that our natural state has nothing to do with judgments. It’s simply the state of being or presence, and that presence observes life without thinking it needs to change. Peace, happiness, and love are natural feeling that are always there when we stop trying to force our will on life.
So in practical terms how do we apply this to our example of the guy not calling after you’ve met for coffee? Like this: Without believing our thoughts we just see that life happens. If you don’t think you know what’s best – that he should have called or you want him to call – you just see reality as it is. If you wonder about this ask yourself: Do I really, absolutely, know what should happen?
You’ll probably immediately notice the calm peacefulness of your real nature when you just see what is. The space that exists because he didn’t call is now available for whatever else the universe will provide. What could it be? The mystery of life continues to unfold its own way with or without our opinion. Does it make more sense to take this false, self-centered “me” opinion out of the picture and just enjoy reality as it is? Without our judgments we might be clear to see that life’s natural beauty and perfect unfolding IS the happiness we’ve been seeking. What can be wrong about life without our thoughts about it?
Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer
