69. What’s true? Q. and A. about truth in a relationship

In Article #68 I wrote about how our opinions and judgments cause us so much pain when they argue with reality. I used as an example a woman who tells her guy she’s leaving a relationship. He thinks she should stay with him, and he could get relief from his pain by questioning that, I wrote. A reader responded: “…if a relationship that was real is suddenly sabotaged by a person… why are we supposed to call (that) ‘truth’”?

I had written that the guy could question his belief that she should stay with him. Here, we’re not talking about the truth or untruth of her statements or reasons for leaving. That has nothing to do with it. What we’re talking about is the truth of “what is”. What is, is that she said she’s leaving. That’s the reality, no matter how you cut it. The question is, can we really know that reality shouldn’t be, and that our way (she should not leave) is the best thing?

Reality is what’s true because it’s happening. Any opinion about whether it should be happening is a judgment or a thought. That thought isn’t real or valid. It’s just a pattern of energy. What is actually the case, however, is what I call truth or reality. You can’t argue that it’s not because it is, just as you can’t sanely argue that it shouldn’t be because it is. When she walks out the door, you can’t argue that she walked out the door. The question then is examining how the real world works. People walk out sometimes. That’s the way it is. Should they stay? Obviously not because they left.

In the same way, if it’s raining today should it not be? Well, clearly it should be raining because it is. Or another way to say it may be, ISNESS reigns (no pun intended).We can argue that it shouldn’t be and be miserable. Or we can see “what is” as it is and be more peaceful. I’m reminded of the quote: “Know the truth and the truth will set you free.” The truth is what’s happening, not what we want to happen. The same reasoning applies to the woman walking out. Do we even know that in the long run it would absolutely be best if she stayed? I’d say no. You can’t know the big picture of the universe so you probably can’t say you know better. Meanwhile, when you argue with “what is” you’re always in pain. When you see it as simply reality, as it is, you feel much less pain. For more about the questioning process I’m referring to read Article #19 or click on the Byron Katie link at the right side of the page.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer