253. If you believe your thoughts about dating you’re probably hurting

Thoughts aren’t real. They’re always projections of a past or a future. Reality, on the other hand, is whatever is happening – “what is” at any moment. An easy way to wipe out any suffering about your dating life is to remember that: Thoughts aren’t real. Your heart might be broken. You might feel anger, jealousy, grief, emptiness, despair, disappointment. Whatever feeling you have, notice that feelings only follow thoughts (no pain when you sleep, remember) and thoughts are always unreal. Unreal means they’re fleeting, transitory, fickle, and unreliable.

When thoughts cause pain you know, if you check it out for yourself, that you’re resisting and arguing with reality. Thoughts are trying to bring into reality something that doesn’t exist. Those thoughts are a lie; that’s why I say they're unreal.

Reality is what is, and the only reason it could be painful to you is if you think it “shouldn’t be”. At that moment you’re trying to play God. You’re saying, “I know she shouldn’t leave me because we’re the perfect match. She just didn’t give herself a chance to really know me.” Are you positively sure you’re right in that belief? Or you think, “I’m just not finding attractive people to date. I must be doing something wrong because others are finding new partners.” But is it really true that you know how the world – including your world – should be?

When you fight reality you always hurt and you always lose. When you just see and love what is you’re happy and at peace. One way is as good as the other. There’s no right or wrong here, but making war because you believe your thoughts is pretty crazy don’t you think?

Copyright © 2007 Chuck Custer