94. Some people, like fire and gas, just don’t go together – and no one is wrong

As a mature dater you’re probably aware that some relationships, no matter how hard you try, just don’t work out. It could be a relationship with people at work. Or you may have had conflict with a particular neighbor. And it has happened to many of us by this age that we just couldn’t make it work with the one we chose to spend our lives with, the one we were committed to in the deepest way.

Maybe even today you’re in a relationship that seems to have conflict. And yet you know that the person you’re with is a fine, wonderful, loving human being. You want it to work. You know it should work. You feel it’s supposed to be. But... it isn’t happening.

Reality is Truth. And Truth doesn’t care about what’s supposed to be or what looks like it should be. It only operates in the reality of what is. And that reality is that we’re all born with different inherent characteristics. If you’ve had children you know that. I have six childen and when they were little I was amazed at how different each was (and still is) from the other. Different personalities. Different sensitivities. Different ways of expression, and more.

So the reality is that some personalities and some sets of characteristics just don’t blend well. It’s like fire and gas. Put them together and you’ve got an explosion – every time. You can send the fire to therapy to learn to relate better, and the gas could go to the best spiritual guru on the planet to learn spiritual depth. It doesn’t matter. Put the two together and there will never be harmony. There will always be an explosion.

But is there anything wrong with the element of fire by itself? No, it’s perfect just the way it is. Gas is also perfect just the way it is. It’s only in the wrong combination that there are problems. Put fire with wood and it works perfectly. Put gas in an engine and that combination is perfect. But together? – never.

It’s the same in relationships. No matter how spiritually or emotionally evolved we are, there are some people that – as wonderful and loving as they are – we just don’t click with. It doesn’t mean anyone is bad or wrong, and you can verify that for yourself. I’m sure you’ve met men or women whose spouses have left them and you say to yourself, “That’s such a fine, wonderful person, how could anyone even think about leaving them?” Yet it’s happened.

We sometimes get the idea that if we’re really good and really on a path of emotional maturity or spiritual growth, we shouldn’t have problems with people any more. What’s the reality? Do good people have trouble with good people? Yes, of course. It happens all the time. What does it mean? It means just one thing, and one thing only: those two people don’t work well together. It’s simple. It doesn’t take a lot of analyzing and it certainly doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up because you can’t seem to get along with someone.

It only means there’s a difference. When nature puts together a certain combination of heat and wind forces there’s lightning. Is it bad? No, it’s just natural. When you’re with someone and you’re triggered into frustration and annoyance why not just accept that obviously you two don’t belong together? You don’t have to make anyone wrong. There’s no need to blame. It’s just a matter of realizing the truth. Does it work? No. Will it ever work? No. So be apart from that person and love them and allow them to be, recognizing that their characteristics and personality are theirs and your are yours and there’s never a need to make them work together. There are six billion people on this planet. Go choose another one.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer