95. Change is the mystery of Christmas morning, so drink it in

Security is a big issue for most of us. Beyond the desire to feel secure about the basics of life, of course, I’m talking about emotional security. We’re alone and dating in these mature years and a high priority in that effort is to find the right man or woman. We think our happiness will be secure if only this man will notice me, if only this woman will marry me. But have you noticed that life really doesn’t dish out security?

Yesterday I was in a local Costco store being helped by a guy with two prosthetic legs. He was probably in his late 30s or so and had a wonderful, warm personality. He spent quite a bit of time with my friend and me and since the conversation was easy and friendly I asked, at the end, what happened to his legs.

It turns out he had been getting something from the trunk of his car along a freeway two years ago when a driver, later found to be high on drugs, lost control of his car and smashed into him. In one instant he was changed from a healthy, young, active husband and father to a legless man who uses a wheelchair, and a cane to sometimes walk. He’s living proof that there is no security for any of us.

Reality is that Life expresses itself through us as it does through the weather. The IT we refer to in “It’s raining” is the same IT that breathes our lungs, grows our hair, digests our food, and lives our lives. IT expresses itself as a thunder shower and as an apparent man I call me. IT expresses as a happy relationship or an argument.

So when we seek security instead of just trusting that all will happen as it needs to happen, we can never be happy because happiness is always out there in the future somewhere. It’s never here, now. There’s another aspect of this that’s even more insidious and prevents happiness. Let’s say you’re finally out with that man you wanted to date. You’ve gone out several times now and you really enjoy his company. Then you start to think of the future. Will this last? Will he continue seeing me? Will this lead to a committed relationship? Maybe marriage?

You’ve lost happiness again because your need for security brings on what I call futurizing. You’re denying yourself even the pleasure of this moment. Right now you’re out with a delightful man and you can fully experience the joy of that – if you let yourself. But instead you start thinking about how life always changes. This evening will end. Maybe this relationship will end. You can’t afford to just fall into the pleasure of the moment totally because you know it’s going to change. Instead, you want security, as though that were possible.

The wise person, seeing life as it really is, knows that true living means fully accepting that things come and go – always. Life isn’t a stagnant, dead pond. It’s an alive, spontaneous, ever-flowing river of change that you can never capture in a bucket. With that understanding you can see that the present moment, whatever that moment is, is a moment in eternity, never to be again. The wise person can then step into it fully, without reservation, and drink from that fully alive water, without trying to stop it or put it in a box. With that approach you forget trying to set up a security that can never be. Instead, there can be just fully accepting “what is”, as well as accepting that this “what is” will be gone and there will be a new “what is” in the next instant.

There’s an old saying: You can never step into the same river twice. Not only is the river changing moment by moment but so are you. You’re not the same person and it’s not the same river. When you surrender to life you can jump with both feet into whatever experience there is. Drink it in fully, eat it with both hands. Don’t hold back. Because the only moment there can ever be happiness is this very moment. Why pass it by because you think real happiness will be in the future or because you’re afraid to drink it in fully for fear of losing it? Change is the mystery of Christmas morning. Drink that in too.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer