55. Between dates are you happy with now or stuck in worried thoughts?

When we’re dating at this later stage in life it’s a different game than it was when we were young. Then, we had our whole lives before us. Life felt like an exciting adventure as we were meeting new people and exploring new relationships. By now, though, we’ve had a lot of life experiences, lots of memories that give us a lot of ideas about how life has been and how we want it to be. Dating as a senior or more mature person is quite different.

With our experience of living we now have a lot to think about. It’s also not uncommon to be more aware that life isn’t going to last forever and we want to get the most from it, and especially we want the right partner to share it with. Every time we meet someone new or go out on a date we’re evaluating, analyzing, interpreting. That’s all in thought, and it seems to have a good purpose: We want to pin down a future we can feel secure in. But as we do all that, we’re really living in the past – a dead past, which is what “past” is. Even thoughts of the future are nothing more than a past projected forward. We’d have no idea what a future could be if we didn’t have a past to refer to.

True living and a sense of inner joy, on the other hand, is just in this moment and it comes through the five senses, not through our thoughts. When most of our awareness is taken up with our thoughts that’s also where most of our energy goes. Energy is what life is made up of. Without energy nothing can live. But energy goes only where it’s directed. It doesn’t care which direction it takes. An electric motor will go forward if you push the switch one way and reversed if you push it the other way.

Since it takes energy for anything to live, the more energy you put into something the more life it has. So as we focus on dating, and thoughts of our past and future, those thoughts become bigger and seemingly more real. You put your energy into erroneous thoughts and beliefs and they just take on more life.

In those times, even though we’re using our senses to navigate through life, our whole life becomes about our thoughts. While we’re dating we can become consumed with thoughts about that process, many of them painful thoughts. We may be thinking it’s hard to meet someone or wondering if the one we met will call again. The thoughts take over, and they’re often not thoughts of ease and peace and happiness. They’re thoughts of worry: Will this guy be the one? She seemed cool last night, is she losing interest? Soon thoughts about your dating can take up most of the energy of your life and leave you feeling drained and unhappy.

Instead of putting so much focus and awareness into thoughts there’s an alternative: Switch the energy. Let your focus be on your senses, what you’re seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting in each moment. Without thought there’s nothing at all wrong with right now. That’s where your real life is being lived. And that’s where the natural joy of life as it is can be experienced. When you find yourself in emotional pain it’s always about what you’re thinking. Take the energy off thinking and just be present. In presence there’s freedom and contentment.

Copyright © 2005 Chuck Custer