63. See the reality that life has ups and downs and dating takes on a new flavor

For a year, just after college, I worked as a newsman in a radio-TV station. It soon became clear to me that the world of news is the same day after day. I used to say, “It’s just another report of another accident only today it’s on a different corner and the victims have different names.”

In the last year we’ve all seen news ranging from the Indonesia tsunami to Hurricane Katrina to the recent loss of a dozen men in a coal mine in West Virginia. These are real tragedies, especially for those who lost loved ones, homes and more. Yet – and this may sound crass – realistically we can see that these things aren’t wrong, they’re just the way the world functions. It’s been going on this way since before we were born – same story, different corners and victims.

In that broader context we see that life is just what it is. God, or the Infinite Power, just functions and there’s necessarily the good and the bad. Yet we think there should only be good. But as soon as we see beauty the ugliness is there too. You could only know beauty from a place of not-beauty.

Why is this relevant to senior dating? Because it’s too easy to get into the painful habit of focusing our attention too narrowly, as though we were looking through a microscope. We can forget to lift our heads and see a broader, more full picture of life than the microbes under the lens.

When we suffer because we want only positives – right but not wrong, happy but not sad, good but not bad -- we’re forgetting that the world operates always in the pairs of opposites. We also forget that we’re the ones adding the labels “good” and “bad” to what is.

Some dates are going to be good and some aren’t. That’s reality. Some potential partners will add to our lives, others will bring hurt. That’s reality. Some will deceive us, others won’t. That’s reality. So instead of confronting life and fighting reality we’ll be at ease if we spontaneously go with what is. When you participate willingly with what happens, life is natural and free-flowing. You have a deep conviction of “Thy will, oh Lord, not mine.” With that also comes a deep sense of peace and joy. No resistance, no pain.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer