65. Her suffering is born from her dream-lies of the future

Wanting to be with a compatible mate is obviously built into us. For most it’s a pretty natural part of living, no matter how old we are. After my mother died my dad met a woman at a seniors gathering and married again at 88. She was two years younger. Certainly there’s no problem in dating to meet a partner. But you can be in a world of hurt when you’re blinded by the need to be loved and you don’t see reality.

A friend of mine, Annette, clings to the same guy even though he’s told her several times over the past few years that he doesn’t want a romance, only a friendship. They’re both in their 60s and active in the same church, so friendship in their many regional church activities would be natural. And even though Annette has told me she knows this guy is a womanizer and wouldn’t be good for her, she still keeps going back time and again, trying to establish a connection with him.

Six months ago he told her clearly once more that he wanted no more than a friendship with her. She told me she cried for two days. Several days ago she told me she traveled to Canada with him over the holidays to be with his family. I can see it already. She’ll be crying again soon.

It’s clear that her pain comes from her inability to see reality. A little investigation always reveals what’s real. In this case Annette could ask herself if this guy has been clear and consistent. Has his message ever changed? But we too often concoct false dreams. The future can be an alluring and captivating image we hold in our minds so firmly it begins to look real. We paint our dream pictures and cling to them. But they’re just thoughts that have no real substance if you look closely. They come out of nowhere and they’ll go back to nowhere if we don’t feed them with the energy of attention.

Dreams are pictures of the future that aren’t real. What’s real? What is, is real. What is is always in the present. Ask yourself, what’s true right now? Maybe you’ve just had a nice dinner together and kissed good night. Does that have anything to do with a future? It couldn’t have, because future is just a thought. No matter how many thoughts about the future we have, that’ll never change the fact that the future is just a made-up lie. I call it a lie because it’s not true. We’re deceiving ourselves.

The false always hurts because it’s made up. Reality never hurts… unless we have opinions that it shouldn’t be the way it is, unless we start embellishing it with false desires. Do we really know anything about the future and what it should be? Do we know the guy we’re interested in will make our life better for sure? Do we even know there will be a future? Of course the answer is no. So why not live in just now, just what is? In that presence is all we ever need. There is no future… only self-made dream lies.

Copyright © 2006 Chuck Custer